From Threatening to Healing Words

“Masters, do the same to [bondservants], and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.” | Ephesians 6:9

I have a theory that underneath many of our decisions there is an underlying reason: we feel threatened. These feelings may reveal a fear of getting caught when we do something wrong; if we don’t work hard enough, we’ll get fired; if we say the wrong thing, our reckless words will set a spark that catches fire (Prov. 12:18, Jas. 3:5). Sometimes this feeling is a good thing – it can be God’s protection towards us, hemming us in, helping us to choose his way and not ours. But if we choose to only do things because we feel threatened, will that train our hearts to obey God simply from a desire to please him? 

In Ephesians 5-6, Paul gives many instructions on how believers ought to relate to one another – spouses, parents, children, and so forth. But for me (and maybe you, too), I tend to focus on the roles that apply to me and so I haven’t thought too much about masters and bondservants – but Paul’s words to them convicted me deeply this week. In the mercy of God, this past week I read Ephesians 6:1-9 after a morning when my harsh words led to threatening 66.7% of my children before the ripe hour of 9 a.m.  

It is easy, very easy, to issue threats without really thinking through them in the heat of the moment. And in verse 9, when Paul addresses masters on how they relate to their bondservants, his words could easily apply to parents and spouses as well. When we find ourselves in a position of authority, we ought to really ask ourselves – do threats characterize my speech? Are harsh words my modus operandi, a normal occurrence? 

There are many instances where there needs to be a threat issued. But when we find ourselves needing to be strict or stern, where is our heart? Is this how Jesus talks to his disciples, or is it how God our Father speaks to us? When God came back into the Garden of Eden after the first sin, did he threaten? No! He asked a question to draw Adam and Eve out. Many times when Jesus could have threatened, he chose not to. 

Christian, the Lord cares deeply about how we speak. If we are issuing threats to our spouse, our children, our coworkers, or team members we serve with at church, God shows no special exceptions to us even if we are in a position of authority. God calls master and bondservant to the same responsibilities: do God’s will from the heart, with a good will, in obedience to God Himself. And yet he also gives an additional responsibility to the master: watch your tongue. 

The way we speak to those whom God has given us will one day be how we ourselves are treated (Matt. 25:40). Is that a chilling thought? 

After that morning when I lost my temper with my children – whom God regards with just as much value as he does to me, their mother – and after the Lord convicted me of using threats to get my way, I was reminded again of the sweetness of obeying quickly and seeking sincere forgiveness. I apologized to them for my words and attitude, and (this happens often) my children forgave me without reservation. Lord, would you teach us to do that – just like you have forgiven us?  

It is not an accident that the passage after this one in Ephesians talks about the armor of God. To speak to one another the way God desires requires a huge amount of strength, not the strength of “try harder!” or “do the right thing!” but the strength of putting on a belt of truth, shoes of peace (what sweet words flow from a heart filled with the Gospel’s peace), the sword of the Spirit, the word of God. Leaving threats out of our mouth means filling it with something better. 

Here are some takeaways that the Holy Spirit’s convicted me of when my speech depends too much on harsh words. 

1. Truth must prevail. We are not called to threatening speech, but that does not mean sugarcoating our words or using deceptive ones. Jesus was adept at speaking truthfully to the Pharisees, to the disciples, and everyone he spoke to – but his words were piercing without being cruel. To this he calls us as well. A lack of threatening does not mean speaking what’s not true. 
2. Remember their value. When we threaten others, many times we’re convinced we are better than them. What foolishness! Holy Spirit, may you remind us that those we are tempted to threaten are made in your image and we are all on equal ground – sinners. 
3. Words reveal character. The Lord uses my words to convict my heart possibly more than any other method. His conviction can lead me to repent and depend on him again and again for heart transformation and then spoken confirmation. 

And in the instances when we do need to threaten or warn others because of sin, foolishness, or wickedness, let’s not do it from a place of fear or superiority but because we long for those we threaten to obey. Titus 1:13 says to “…rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith.” Our clear rebuke, given in love, can be a blunt kindness, a sharp pruning shear, to cut away sin and foster healthy spiritual growth. Let us say with the Psalmist: 

May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. | Psalm 19:14