Whether family, church, or work, life is full of people – and people means relationships, and relationships mean communication. As we all know, communication is challenging! Some people want to talk more than others. Some are passive with resolving conflict, others are active. We all deal with miscommunication, missed expectations, hurt feelings, and the need for forgiveness. Thankfully the Bible has a great deal to say about godly and effective principles for healthy communication.
1- Outdo one another in showing honor as you pursue peace.
This begins with genuine love, from a heart renewed in Christ. We need to love others with a brotherly affection, which means remembering that we all have one Father. And we are called to outdo one another in showing honor. Don’t want to respect others? Start by honoring them and continue more and more, even when you are not honored in return. This leads to seeking peace in our relationships. Take initiative to reconcile, love, and forgive. Of course peace is not always possible, but as far as it depends on you – live peaceably with all.
“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” | Romans 12:9-10
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” | Romans 12:18
2- Count others more significant than yourself.
We all have a natural instinct to consider ourselves most important. But these urges are sinful. In relationships with others, we are called to put them first – to count other people more significant than ourselves. This requires godly humility. We need to consider other people’s interests in every situation. This doesn’t mean we ignore ourselves, or allow ourselves to be run over – but we value the other person’s wants, needs, and feelings. How many arguments would be avoided if we put this into practice?
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” | Philippians 2:3-4
3- Don’t tear people down, build others up with thanksgiving.
James 3 makes it clear our words have great power and that the tongue is a mighty force. It is easy to allow our anger or selfishness to grow into speech that tears others down. Sometimes this is an attempt to build ourselves up, but this is the opposite of what God calls us to – we are to build others up. Our words should give grace and life to those we speak to. Humor is a great gift, but we can’t allow sarcasm or joking to become crude and belittling to others. Our conversations with others should reveal a thankful heart.
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” | Ephesians 4:29
“Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” | Ephesians 5:4
4- Act with compassion, kindness, humility, forgiveness, and love.
Relationships and communication will always be challenging because even Christians are fallen creatures overcoming sin. And so, we are called to treat others as God has treated us. We need to ask the Spirit to grow our hearts in compassion, kindness, humility, and patience. Sometimes displaying these godly attributes is most difficult with those we love the most! That is why we are told to bear with one another in love. When we have complaints against our friends and family, we need to seek reconciliation and forgive them. Forgiveness is something we know well because of how God has forgiven us. We must forgive others in the same way God has forgiven us. God has filled us with his love, and so it is this love that should bind together all these other attributes in our relationships and communication with others.
“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” | Colossians 3:12-14
Our God is the best example we could ever ask for of all of these principles. Day by day, lean on him in faith to grow you in love and healthy communication with your family and friends.
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