Have you ever felt happy about having a great day, but also sad that a friend who was supposed to be with you got sick and couldn’t be with you? Or maybe you have a big tournament or work project coming up – you find yourself feeling excited but also nervous. Or even more profoundly, maybe a loved one has been terminally ill for months, and when they finally pass away, you are overcome with grief, but also relieved their suffering has ended.
Often we experience different – and seemingly conflicting – emotions at the same time. Christian, this is OK! This can even be the sign of a mature, godly heart. Maintaining a healthy heart means being aware of our emotions and holding different, even clashing, emotions simultaneously. The apostle Paul experienced conflicting realities and emotions, but he held them together.
“…as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way… through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything.” | 2 Corinthians 6:4, 8-10
Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing!
The reality is that the world is complicated. On any given day – in any given moment – there are both good things to celebrate, and tragic things to mourn. The Christian life is one of joy and sadness. God’s presence is always with us, so there is always joy. But we often experience the heartbreak of what is yet to come in God’s Kingdom. This is the tension of the “Already, Not Yet.” Salvation has already come, but it is not yet fully realized.
We don’t need to choose which reality to embrace or which emotion to feel. Suppressing one emotion and only allowing one to exist is unhealthy. Sometimes people feel guilty that they are feeling happy or relieved because someone else may still be struggling. But if you feel guilty about a real, natural emotion, you are likely to ignore it or suppress it. And that’s not healthy!
Since we are created in the image of God, it is freeing to let the human heart be deep and complicated. We are capable of holding different emotions at the same time. Our emotions can’t be our defining reality – but we do need to give them their proper place. As I heard pastor Bryan Loritts say, “Our emotions don’t belong in the driver’s seat – but they don’t belong in the trunk either!”
It is healthy to feel happy about your great day, and also sad that your friend is not there to enjoy it with you. It is appropriate to be both excited and nervous about a big project. And when a loved one dies you can – and maybe even should – feel sorrowful and yet also rejoice. Don’t try to suppress or deny one of those real feelings.
In The Things of Earth, Joe Rigney addresses the reality that sometimes even two biblical truths can seem to be in tension (i.e. God’s sovereignty and man’s will, God’s judgment and love, etc.). He writes, “Refuse to allow one truth to mute another truth. Labor to hold them in tension. Be willing to be stretched.” This is wise counsel for what we experience in our hearts as well.
When we are facing two truths, two realities, that seem to be in tension, we can hold them as such and resist the impulse to allow one truth to mute another truth. You may feel sad a loved one has died and relieved that their suffering has ended. You don’t need to choose between sadness and relief. You can feel both!
Ask the Holy Spirit to grow in you a mature and godly heart – one that can be sorrowful, and yet always rejoicing!
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