I wrote a five part series called Worldviews & Apologetics about how to defend the Christian worldview when engaging with those who hold to different worldviews (whether religious or secular). This post is not about that.
I also have written about how to build connections and be A Friend to Nonbelievers so that you have opportunities to share the gospel. This post is not about that.
This post is about how you actually talk to a nonbeliever in a conversation about faith – your approach and demeanor. I remember a conversation one time with a man who was not a Christian, but was interested in discussing the meaning of life and my Christian beliefs. He shared his ideas, asked good questions, listened to my responses, and answered my questions. It was a fruitful, stimulating, helpful conversation for both of us! At the end of our two-hour discussion, he commented how valuable our time was and how he isn’t able to have open, intellectually stimulating conversations with all Christians.
Why is that?
Like anyone, I have my good days and bad days when it comes to relationships, conversations, and engaging with people who have different perspectives from my own. But as I thought about this conversation, and how God enabled me to talk to this non-Christian man in a valuable way for both of us, I identified some principles. Here are seven factors to keep in mind when you are dialoguing with a nonbeliever about Christ, the gospel, and Christian beliefs.
- Be curious and interested: Whether you are naturally curious about people or not, fostering a genuine interest in the person will really open up the conversation. If you are more interested in what you want to say than what they want to say, the conversation isn’t going to go very far. Each person is unique and interesting…so be curious! Find out what they believe, how they think, what they are devoted to. The apostle Paul made it a priority to know and connect with all people. “I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some. I do it all for the sake of the gospel, that I may share with them in its blessings” (1 Cor. 9:22-23).
- Be charitable and respectful: Regardless of how odd, different, or “unchristian” the other person’s beliefs and ideas are, be respectful. They are a person created in the image of God, and while you might find their convictions laughable or offensive, you can still show some respect. If what the person is saying is important to them, it should be important to you. Listen carefully and ask good questions. Of course if the person is intentionally trying to offend you or disrespect you – or worse yet dishonor your Savior – then you might need to ask them to stop or simply end the conversation. But that scenario is probably pretty rare. If you want them to respect you and your Christian beliefs, begin by respecting them. “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth” (2 Tim. 2:24-25).
- Don’t be too emotionally invested: If you are talking with a family member or close personal friend, you probably care a lot about them. You should be open and upfront about your love and concern for them. You should be honest about your desire for them to come to know Christ as Savior. However, I have found that sometimes if we are too emotionally invested, we can make it hard for the person to open up to us. They may not really share their thoughts and questions if they are worried they are going to hurt you. I’m not saying that a person denying Christ isn’t heartbreaking! I’m saying that to have an engaging, productive conversation, you may need to ask God for a certain level of objectivity. To do this, you need to entrust this person to God. He will work in his timing, not yours. Remember that he loves them a whole lot more than you do. Trust Jesus when he says, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand” (Jn. 10:27-28).
- Don’t be pushy: This is related to your level of emotional investment. The idea of someone living their whole life without knowing Jesus – and then dying cut off from him – is certainly a desperate situation. But their salvation is in God’s hands, not yours. You should invite – even plead! – with them to trust Christ as Savior, but you also need to be patient, not pushy. You should openly share your own personal passion for Christ and communicate the urgency of faith, but you also need to trust the Spirit to do his work. You can’t push someone into the Kingdom. Jesus said, “No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him” (Jn. 6:44).
- Don’t be haughty or judgmental: This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t discern right from wrong or truth from falsehood. Jesus and the Bible actually say there is a time and place for Christians to make judgments. Jesus said to “judge with right judgment” (Jn. 7:24). The difference between being judgmental and making right judgments is humility. We need to be firm and clear about our biblical convictions without being arrogant and looking down on the person. Even if you disagree with their ideas, don’t dismiss the person. Don’t act like they are ridiculous. If it weren’t for God’s grace, and the supernatural work of the Holy Spirit, you could very easily believe what they believe. So, be kind, be humble, listen well, and speak the truth graciously. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (Jas. 4:6).
- Don’t be defensive: Christians are to honor Christ by “always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect” (1 Pet. 3:15). There is a difference between defending the faith and being defensive. A defensive person lashes out because everything is viewed as an attack. A defensive person won’t listen and allow the other person to explain themselves. When we get defensive, it is usually because we are insecure or afraid. But we have no reason to be either! Jesus is the Risen King! The gospel is true! Christ will build his Church! And no argument your friend can make will change that. So, be calm, confident, and at peace with who you are in Christ. After all, the gospel is “the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes” (Rom. 1:16).
- Be straightforward and clear: If someone is willing to sit down with you and talk about the Christian faith, they likely want to hear what you have to say. They don’t want you to beat around the bush, be wishy-washy, vague, or make excuses. That’s not helpful for anyone! We can and should be clear and confident about who God is, the fallen state of humanity, the life and work of Jesus, and the need for faith and obedience. Speak biblical truth. Speak about what Christ has done in your life. Speak boldly from the heart. And pray that you “may make it clear, which is how I ought to speak. Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Col. 4:3-6).
Christians need to let Christ shine through us like lights in a dark world. We need to build friendships with the lost, pray for them, and look for opportunities to share the gospel. And when someone is willing to share their convictions, ask questions, and listen to you – it is a precious gift! I hope these seven reminders enable us all to steward that gift well.
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