“We were meant to walk side by side, an interdependent body of weak people. God is pleased to grow and change us through the help of people who have been recreated in Christ and empowered by the Spirit. That is how life in the church works.” | Ed Welch, Side by Side
You have needs. People in your family and church have needs. We are called to walk side by side with fellow Christians in friendship, accountability, and care. At some point, all Christians will have struggles related to living in a fallen world, loss/grief, broken relationships, your own sin, and sin against you.
- Fallen World: severe sickness, chronic pain, debilitating accident or injury, natural disaster.
- Loss/Grief: loved one dying, children leaving the home, losing a job, close friend moving away.
- Broken Relationships: betrayal from a friend, tension with parents, difficult romantic break-up, divorce.
- Your Own Sin: addiction to drugs or alcohol, pornography or sexual immorality, lying, violent behavior.
- Sin Against You: being cheated on, lied to, physically abused, emotionally mistreated, socially oppressed.
As you walk in love and genuine concern for the welfare of others (Phi. 2:20), consider these seven biblical, practical ways you can care for those in need:
1. Understand your role.
If you are going to be helpful to others, you have to first know, understand, and confront your own needs and struggles. As one who also needs grace from God and help from others, you can come alongside others in need. You may not be a pastor or counselor, but you do have a role in caring for others. You can’t care for everyone, but follow the Spirit’s prompting to invest in those you are called to. Consider this specific advice to support someone Recovering from a Crisis. “We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all” (1 Thes. 5:14).
2. Be attentive and take initiative.
Pay attention to the people in your life. Listen to how they talk about their highs and lows. Seek to understand what they are going through with compassion. Don’t just give them a Christian platitude, endeavor to build them up. Speak simple, encouraging truth. Sometimes the best you can do is acknowledge their pain. Take initiative to love them, as God did with us. “We love because he first loved us” (1 Jn. 4:19).
3. Guide them to process their emotions.
God gave us emotions. Christians should not be ruled by their emotions, but our emotions are a real part of us. Reassure them that even Christians struggle. By asking good questions and sharing our own struggles, we can help others identify, understand, and process their own emotions: fear, worry, anger, sadness, shame, etc. Why do they feel that way? What are the deeper needs and desires underneath those emotions? “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Pro. 20:5).
4. Help them face suffering with faith.
Faithful, mature Christians still suffer, and we should not dismiss or minimize suffering. Give people freedom to be in pain. Help the person rightly process their pain, disappointment, sickness, hardship, and conflict. God will humble, test, and guide us through our suffering like he led Israel through the wilderness. “And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not” (Deut. 8:2).
5. Give them biblical categories for their struggle.
Sometimes people face a challenge or need but aren’t sure how to think through it in a biblical category. Help them to think through how their struggle relates to some of the prominent categories of Scripture: Gospel, Law, Promise, Obedience, Suffering, Faith, or Hope. How does the gospel bring hope to what you are dealing with? What promise of God can you hold onto at this time? Is there a law or expectation from God’s Word you need to be more faithful to obey in this season? “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path” (Psa. 119:105).
6. Distinguish between issues of sin and issues of wisdom.
Some people struggle because of an area of clear sin or disobedience. If this is the case, carefully and gently guide them through the process of confession, repentance, forgiveness, and obedience. Other struggles or dilemmas are not issues of right and wrong, but related to decisions of wisdom vs. foolishness. In these cases, call them to a process of careful discernment. Encourage them to seek wise counsel and learn from the experience of others. Offer your own insight and advice (but recognize that since this is a wisdom issue, they may go another route). “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom. 12:2).
7. Stay connected and follow-up with them.
Many of us can fall into an “out of sight, out of mind” mentality. Be proactive to stay connected to the person. Discern how you can best follow up with support, advice, or encouragement. Remember you can’t do everything, but you do have a role. One way you can help someone in need is to be a matchmaker. This means help connect them with someone who is better equipped to provide the help they need: a Friend for support, a Mentor for coaching, a Pastor for shepherding, or a Counselor for specialized care (see here for recommended Christian Counselors). Often the best thing you can do is pray for them – pray with them in the moment and continue to pray for them (consider these Eight Recommendations on Praying for Others). “So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us” (1 Thes. 2:7-8).
Christians, we must show concern and offer care for people in need. And because we have the Holy Spirit, we can speak and act in powerful ways that offer grace, truth, and healing to those who are struggling. God has given us his amazing grace, and now we can show his grace to others.
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